By Veronica Shelton
Everyone has their story. Everyone has their trials. Sometimes we search and search for answers to our trials and wonder why we were given these trials. What we need to find is hope. We have to have faith and hope through these hard times.
My story starts in November 2015. I was very stressed about school and lots of things were on my mind. I got home from an activity with some friends and fell asleep on my couch. My mom woke me up and it was about midnight so she was telling me to go down to my own room and go to sleep. I was panicked because I had forgotten that I needed to get in the shower before the next day.
I told her I was going to go take a shower before I went to bed.
Bad idea.
I went downstairs and started the shower and the next thing I remember I was on the floor with a blanket over me with my head in my moms lap and my dad and brothers and various paramedics looking over me. They had a look of concern and fear in their eyes as I became aware of my surroundings.
That is one image I will never get out of my head.
I don’t like seeing my parents concerned and the first thing I thought was that something was wrong with me and I kept asking my parents if I was going to be okay. I ended up going to the ER that night and was told by my parents that I had had a seizure.
What is a seizure might you ask? It can vary in different forms and go from big to small but the most generalized and most common ones are where someone is unconscious and their brain restarts. This contains things with shaking and possible groaning and lots of things that don’t seem right to someone watching a seizure. They are scary and hard to watch.
After I went to the ER they told me to just watch myself and make sure everything was okay and that I couldn't drive for about 6 months. I wasn't very worried. That was in November.
In January of 2016 I went down to Salt Lake with some friends and my drama teacher for a Theatre Conference. The second day we were there was not a good day. I woke up feeling sick and went the whole day feeling anxious and worried about everything. I didn't know why I felt this way. We got back to the hotel that night and I laid on my bed and the next thing I remember was very similar to what had happened the first time. Except this time it was my friends and my drama teacher overlooking me with concern and fear on their faces.
Yet another image that I can’t just look past.
This was my second seizure and I was taken by ambulance to Primary Children's ER in Salt Lake. I remember sitting in the room all alone and waiting for someone to tell me what had happened. I waited anxiously for my parents to get there. Once they got there they talked to some doctors and took me home. I had a lot of questions and was just merely scared. I learned that I had another seizure that night in the hotel room.
I talked to some more doctors after this experience and they decided to wait it out a bit longer to see if I had another one. I was taken off some mood enhancing medicine to see if that was causing my seizures. Yet, about a month later in February I had another seizure. This one was in front of my siblings and it scared them. I woke up on my couch downstairs to see my parents looking over me again.
That image is not one I like to think about. To see someone who loves and cares about you looking over you with worry and concern is a very scary and hard thing. You don’t want to cause anyone pain and you feel like you have caused them pain when you see their faces like this.
After the third seizure I was taken to the neurologist and they prescribed a drug to me to help with the seizures.
This was the biggest struggle. There were times on this medicine that I considered if it was better to just have the seizures. It’s crazy what your brain can tell you.
This drug messed with my brain and made my moods go crazy. I was often closed off and didn’t like to talk to anyone. I was very irritated and annoyed all the time. I usually have a pretty happy and upbeat personality so this was very different for me. I couldn't control it. That was the biggest thing. I had no control.
After this, my mom and I decided to switch me to a different drug. I switched and this drug was even worse. It made me physically sick instead of mentally sick. I got very sick, and was sick for about three months. I got a very bad rash and had to go to the ER. I would lay in bed at night and just wonder why I was receiving this hard trial.
In the end, I ended up finally switching back to the first medicine. It took a lot of work and control but I am now able to control my own thoughts. There are still hard times and I still struggle but it is much easier to do now that I can control it. My anxiety and depression have been controlled as well. I am able to be happy and Im able to function again.
Now, the reason I just wrote that all out is because I want people to know that I made it. There were countless times where I was ready to give up. I prayed and prayed and tried so hard to understand what was wrong with me.
I remember I was just laying on my floor and crying trying to grasp at any sort of feeling that I might feel. I finally got this answer that everything was going to be okay. That I was going to pull through this.
It has been about 2 months since I hit that rock bottom and I look back now and I am so thankful for my trials. Thats the thing. You have to be thankful for your trials because they make you who you are. They challenge you and make you become a better person. They test your strengths and make you discover who you are.
Now I wouldn't wish that on anyone that I know but I challenge you to find the trials that you have in your life, whether it be a small fight with your parents, trouble at school, or even a broken heart, find the positive. There is a positive in every situation.
Through learning that I had epilepsy and that I would have to get through it for the rest of my life, I decided to reach out to those who needed help. I went to the Epilepsy Association of Utah and was able to get some more information. I set up an event that helped raise money for them and I loved the people I got to work with. I was able to relate my struggles to some people and was happy to be there for those that needed someone.
Through this whole summer I have dealt with anxiety and depression more than I ever have had too. I want to reach out to those that are struggling with this. It is a hard thing and hard to deal
with. I encourage you to keep going.
Find the positive.
There is always a reason to be happy. Always a reason to keep living. We were given this gift of life for a reason and you are here for a reason. Your challenges are just something small compared to the wondrous things that you are going to do with your time here on earth.
You can change anyones day with a small simple smile. I try everyday to pray for an opportunity to serve someone. My mom always tells me that if you are sad, you should go make someone else happy. Seeing someone else happy can instantly make you happy. I say that with experience.
I am thankful for my trials and I am glad to have them. I look for more challenges to come but I welcome them. They are just going to pass through and make me a better person.
You have to stay positive to stay happy.
Make a choice every morning. Wake up and decide if you are going to be happy. Decide if you are going to continue to have hope and faith.
Keep that hope with you throughout your whole life. You are going to do amazing things and you are going to achieve your dreams. Don’t doubt yourself. You are a wonderful human being and you can do this. I believe in you. Everyone believes in you.
You are loved.
You can find hope.