By Tatiana Pryor
They say that life is a bowl of cherries. Sometimes you get a really sweet cherry, other times you get a sour one, sometimes you’re just left with the pits. It can be really difficult to move from one good thing, like a sweet cherry, to something that you would rather not do, like end up with everyone else’s pits.
I feel like I have had one of these years, up-and-down through trial and success. Since everyone likes a good story, I guess I can tell you about my year. In February, I learned that I was accepted into a university that I have been vying to get into for basically my whole life. My parents met each other here, my family has a long line of people who went to this school and still donate to it because it was such a good experience for them. I was psyched. I planned my whole life the day that I got accepted. But sadly, moving a few hours away from home meant that I was leaving behind the life I knew, one of safety and meals made for me by my parents.
But it was okay. Throughout April and May, I found something else to occupy my time with. I started working on my Gold Award for Girl Scouts, focusing on self-esteem in teenagers, and stopping negative thoughts in younger children. I learned a lot about myself from the project I was teaching others through. I thought that I had racked up enough hours by the time I graduated high school, which was a bit more than 80 hours. So, I turned in the paperwork, and started to chill out and de-stress before I went to college.
Then, the biggest opportunity of my life, I was able to spend my summer in Sweden. The down part, though, was that I had a major identity crisis and a serious bout of depression the first three weeks of my trip. I felt awful, I was meeting so much of my family that I had never known before, and I was just an emotional husk of a human. Even worse, my mom was with me for the first two weeks, and all I could felt comfortable to do was sit back and watch the variety of shows on Swedish Netflix. I look back now and wish I chose to stand up to myself and got moving. I wish that I could have seen more of the streets and experience more of a different culture, but I can’t change the past and I have to live with how I acted at the time.
Halfway through my trip, I got an email from my Girl Scout advisor, saying that I needed to make my project more sustainable. It was only then that I realized that I was on vacation and my time in Sweden was running out. So, I made the best of the rest of my time. I was more dedicated to exploring the country and making relationships with my family than ever. I learned so much in my last few weeks, I felt that the trip was worth it.
When I came back home, my dedicated sister and I rushed to finish my project. We filmed a relatively long video (well, eight minutes) of me pleading for teens to know that they, and everyone, is worth high self-esteem, love, and respect. When I shared that online, and got nearly 1000 views in the first few weeks, I felt that my project was finally over.
I moved on from my summer of fun. I left my family and friends, and I moved out. I didn’t even shed a tear when my parents left me in my apartment. I thought that meant I was being strong, but that wasn’t quite it. The two months have been a hard adjustment. Let me just tell you, when your teachers in high school say that they’re trying to prepare you for college, keep in mind that they are trying. The classes are harder, and faster. And you don’t know anyone! For a known extrovert, this was definitely a problem for me. I started to sink again, I felt the past bouts of depression that have seemed to accompany parts of my life for the past four or five years. I didn’t know what to do. To be honest, I still really don’t know what to do.
I started having tests in my classes, and I wasn’t doing too well on those. I would study for hours at a time, reading the material over and over. I would take notes and complete worksheets just so I would understand the material. But I still wasn’t fully understanding the material. And then there is the social aspect. I didn’t know anyone, my roommates and I didn’t get along well, and I was too busy studying to try to make friends.
But wait, there’s more! My advisor for my Gold Award emailed me back saying that she needed more sustainability from my project. There was that problem. I needed to figure out how to share my project more for the next upcoming years. Great.
Then, by some coincidence, it changed. I put my name on a list to join a study group for one of the classes that I didn’t understand, and a group chose me! I couldn’t believe it, they already had six people, why add a seventh? I’m glad they did, because now I have a group of people to sit with in that class, as well as a better understanding of the material.
Then, there was a halt in my timeline again. I had to figure out how to complete my darn Gold Award! I asked a teacher at my old school who I had planned to do the project with, only to learn that she cancelled the service week that my project was attached to! I had to figure out a Plan B. I contacted another teacher that I was close to, yet she said that she couldn’t have the message of my project to be taught in her class. I had to figure out a solution, and quickly because the deadline approached ever closer. I contacted the Adult Roles teacher to see, if by some chance my project could be taught in her class. Not only did she say yes, but she loved that my project on self-esteem followed the state’s standards to a T. I was able to teach my project in her class, and it will be implemented in the future. When my project was reviewed, the committee who approves projects loved mine so much that the exit interview only lasted 15 minutes! When I earned my Gold Award, it was so nice to feel like something went my way for more than three days at a time.
So now, I return to the present. After a long narrative of the highs and lows in my past year, I suppose I should supply a meaningful message that is relatable and useful. If I have learned anything throughout this year, it is to be resilient. To be dedicated. To be passionate. Trials are in our lives so that we can enjoy the good that comes later. Even though this year has been extremely difficult for me, I have still enjoyed the happy breaks in between each storm. I’m still learning, still struggling through the test that is life, for whatever fate I have waiting for me in this life or the next-and I’m sure I will be blessed in some way then for what I’m dealing with now. It’s simply karma.
I beg you, whoever is reading this, to have hope that your life will be better in the future if you are struggling now. And if you are in one of those happy parts, be prepared for something to go south. Be resilient in everything you do, don’t give up on anything you care about. Remember that whatever happens that you are loved, and you are worth all the happiness in life. You are worth it.